"And now, O Israel, what does the Lord your God ask for you but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all His ways, to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and to observe the Lord's commands and decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?" -- Deuteronomy 10:12-13
The sinking feeling that you have is the state of confusion; a state of being that is contrary to who God is. Don't feel that because you've travelled or been in confusion you're not a worthy member of God's kingdom. Yet instead, be assured that God wants more for you and maybe even more than you want for yourself (John 10:10). If this is the case, then outside of direct communication with God via prayer, the Bible serves as the most efficient road map to help mobilize our lives.
Daily and consistent Bible reading is the way to gain a full grasp of who God is and wants us to do, but there are certain scriptures that beautifully break down the concepts of the Christian life. Deuteronomy 10:12-13 is one of those scriptures. When we take the time to decipher these verses there are six elements that can be discerned to live a life that's designed by God: understanding, learning, serving, love, imitation and practice.
Fear is probably the most misconstrued word in the Bible. It evokes a feeling a terror that when intellectualized negatively, leads to guilt and inner turmoil. This causes some believers to turn away from God because subconsciously they don't feel like they can live up to the Creator's standards. Scriptures let us know this isn't the meaning or God's desire (2 Timothy 1:7). Fear is the case of the Bible means to take heed of or understand. Wisdom is a consistent theme in the Bible. Therefore, if God wants you to submit to his will, it would be wise for an individual to get an understanding of who he is to make that submission authentic.
For this understanding to take place, a learning process must take place. Sorry to break it to you (not really) but going to church every Sunday is not enough. Going to church then a small group or midweek service is not enough. Going to church, a small group or midweek service and having a daily quiet time are massive steps closer but still not enough. Why? 90% of our day is consumed by the world. In order to stay aligned with God, we must saturate our minds with the word of God (Romans 1:28). The average (insert any occupation here) is just that, the average! Average doesn't change you, nor does it change those around you as we are called to do as Christians. Good students do their homework, but great students do their research. With technological advances made constantly, there's no reason that we shouldn't yearn to explore the deeper things of God on our own when we have a chance. Recreation is not only fun, but essential and should be had regularly to balance a work life that may be burdensome. Yet when you learn about God, the appreciation of each facet of life grows larger.
When you learn more about Jesus, you come to an understanding that he emphasized serving (Matthew 20:28). This element is one of the most dynamic because as Christians we are called to be environment shifters. A capitalist society inadvertently promotes greed; and greed can turn people violently selfish. The serving Christian, no matter the size of the act prompts a unilateral strike against what the enemy wants to perpetuate in this world. Serving therefore, becomes a declaration of spiritual warfare and places you on the frontlines for Christ.
No one willingly goes to battle for anything that they aren't passionate about and that passion stems from having a certain level of love. I'm willing to wager that everywhere you've gone throughout your spiritual journey people talk about having a love for God, which is pretty easy to do at the elementary level. It's not that difficult to love someone who accepts you as you are, forgives you innumerable times and is willing to trade their life for yours. Yet it's the difficult things that help us grow and loving others, even those who may abhor us and/or wish us harm, is true love in action. Maybe you've heard this as well, but if you're anything like me (big mistake) you don't put this into practice very often if at all. Being the environment shifters that we are, love doesn't just benefit the spaces we enter, but it benefits us as well (1 Peter 4:8).
Service and love are the most basic ways of imitating Christ; and imitation is not about flattery in this case but a transformation of character and actions. This is where doing life with others comes in (Ecclesiastes 4:8-12). When you immerse yourself with others striving to live the Christian life, you not only internalize those ways but it emboldens and empowers you to continue your walk when you are the only believer in a situation. Serving God alone can be done to an extent, but your spiritual immune system can only hold up for so long before a world that doesn't love God affects you and you become ill from it.
Everything mentioned takes practice. It does us very little to be filled with the knowledge of God and endowed with the Holy Spirit if we put none of it to any practical use (James 1:22). Why worship, know and love God if we don't put into practice anything that He commands? Also, with the concept of practice comes the notion that you're not an expert, you have more to learn and that there is always more to improve on. Like any skill or method of living, the Christian life requires discipline and consistency. Failure will occur on occasion that you shouldn't get too down about; when you make a valiant effort and try again there's nothing to be ashamed of.
No one can tell you how things will truly turn out if you follow a certain plan or scheme; only God knows what's planned for you. The best and sure success plan however is to follow the Creator of all plans. You may not quite know where you're going, but you'll never be lost or drown.