Introduction to Modesty classes
Editor’s Note: Pat Brush, an elder’s wife in the South Florida church, put together a series of lessons on modesty. The Modesty class was held during the month of June (4 midweek classes) and attended by middle-school girls on up to senior citizens. Pat shares below some of the different aspects and resources they used in the classes.
- Modesty Survey: we printed up some of the brothers' responses on a hand out. We also had pre-recorded different brothers reading their responses. The sisters seemed to be very affected by hearing their brothers voice concerns about their modesty.
- PowerPoint: One sister lifted photos that our disciples posted on Facebook and put them together in a PowerPoint. (The faces were blurred so their identities were protected.) A picture says a thousand words! After hearing the results of the modesty survey, this was especially convicting.
- Lies Women Believe: a skit showing how Satan lies to all women, regardless of age, marital status, etc., about body image, peer pressure, etc.
- "So You Think You Are Modest" Fashion Show: We took pictures of sisters in immodest outfits. When each of these photos came on the screen, the same sister walked on stage with the same outfit, but "upgraded" to a modest look (use of jackets, long sweater vests, camisoles that covered, etc.) We wanted to show that you don't have to throw out all of your clothes, or spend a fortune, in order to dress modestly. (When the models walked out on stage, we played the music from the TV show "So You Think You Can Dance")
- Q and A: tried to address how to gently teach and encourage each other about our appearance and how we "carry" ourselves. Discouraged "Drive By discipling” - correcting that may not include enough teaching, understanding or follow up.
Useful websites:
www.modbod.com
www.funkyfrum.com
www.purefashion.com
www.girlsgonemild.com
Great reads:
Pursuing Purity and A Gentle and Quiet Spirit both by Virginia Lefler
A Return to Modesty: Discovering the Lost Virtue by Wendy Shalit
Set Apart by R. Kent Hughes
Modesty Lesson
What do you think when you hear the word “MODESTY?”
We put together a collection of photos that sisters in our congregation put on their Facebook pages. We have deliberately blurred the faces so that no one will feel specifically picked on.Why do we need to talk about modesty? Because many of us do not understand what it is, we don’t give much thought to it. And because God cares about it!
You won’t hear it at school, workplace, retail clothing stores: no “Modest Prom Dresses”
Why do we need to talk about it?
- Isn’t it a matter of opinion?
- Do I only get “talked to” about being modest when something I’m wearing isn’t
Why don’t guys get this lesson more often? Why women all the time?
- Good question! Autonomic nervous system – have you ever experienced sudden sense of danger, heart rate increases?
- ANS controls many organs and muscles within the body. It works and we’re unaware b/c works involuntary, reflexive
- Increased pulse rate, hot flashes, cold sweats – in women, fear can create these reactions
- In men – ANS activated not only by fear – also connected to his sexual system
- Men stimulated by sight. When see female form, even when fully clothed
- Tight fitting clothes, thin stretchy material, body language that draws attention to breasts, backside, thighs, leads to lust
What does the following passage teach us?
Matthew 5:27-30
"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' [28] But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. [29] If your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. [30] And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.
- Most women don’t lust @ sight; most lust for the attention we can receive
What is discretion, decency, propriety?
Proverbs 11: 22 Discretion: ability to make responsible decisions. Habits of a pig: root in dirt, roll in mud and manure – gold ring crusted over with gunk.
1 Timothy 2: 9,10
- Decency: sense of shame or modesty; not shame of being woman; shame at being out of line with God. Shows respect for others.
- Propriety: Self-control, control over sensual desires, like a braking system that operates from inside out. Think of the tragedies that occur when a car’s braking system fails on inside, and only way car stops is when it crashes on outside.
- The Facebook pictures we saw…. Show that we have faulty brakes!
Our culture today shouts the goal is to be “Sexy”
- Sexy is Powerful, it is Empowering
- I don’t have to be restricted;
- Younger girls want to dress older than their years; older women want to dress like teens
- We are told; wear what you want , go where you want with whom you want and that is sexy, powerful
- It is communicated that you do not need to be embarrassed if someone can look down your shirt, or up your skirt, or see thong panties, or bra or maybe even have a picture taken showing you are not wearing panties – because celebrities – women who are beautiful, powerful, famous, and wealthy do this.
- We are told to not be embarrassed by the crude remarks of boys and men at school and work when they stare or lust; we can make rude, crude remarks – we can be just like them – Girl Power!!
- Is this true? Is this what being female, womanly, wanting to be beautiful comes to?
Modesty begins within
- Being feminine, embracing modesty comes from an inner source, inner beauty fueled by reverence for God.
- Gentle and quiet – great worth – “Highest cost, very expensive”
- If you compare all things God values, this at the top!!
Esther – what can you tell me about Esther?
- She knew that her outer beauty wouldn’t save her life when husband found out she was a Jew.
- Out of reverence for God, got entire city full of ppl. To fast and pray – 3 days! – Saved her people from annihilation.
- Confidence in God, used her femininity to convict her accuser and save many. Empowered by her respect for God, how he made her a woman for His purposes.
Beauty is important to God. He knows that it is important to us.
1 Peter 3: 3, 4
Unfading Beauty – we want this!! How many cosmetics say this!
Modesty is a gift to us from God – the One who made you.
Gift that asks us to consider that our bodies are unique, specially made, no two alike, God’s handiwork
Psalm 139 “fearfully and wonderfully made, woven (embroidered) together; God’s eyes saw my unformed body.”
You are not a man; different than a guy. You are not wired like a guy, you don’t think like a guy, body not built like a man
1 Peter 3: 7 husbands called to treated women with respect as the weaker partner – as heirs with men in the gracious gift of life.
If they don’t – prayers hindered – blocked!
God is protective of women.
Appreciate His gift to you. Learn about it, value it, as God values you.
Anonymous Modesty Survey
Please answer the following questions as specifically and honestly as possible. We will be using this information to teach a class to young women in the church about the importance of modesty. (Both disciples and nondisciples)Results are in italics
1) If a young woman wears the following clothing to church, which of them could cause men to struggle? (circle all that apply)
A. spaghetti straps
B. halter tops
C. low cut shirts
D. low cut jeans
E. backless/ strapless dresses
F. tight fitting clothes
G. short dresses or skirts
H. all of the above
I. other___________________
- Most said all of the above or circled many of them.
- Short shorts were specifically mentioned.
- Semi-transparent clothing
2) How often do you struggle with having impure thoughts at church due to something immodest that someone is wearing?
A. Almost never
B. Sometimes
C. Almost always
D. ____________________________________
- Almost never -19
- Sometimes -28
- Almost always- 1
- More than sometimes but not always-1
- Once in a while-1
- There are 1 or 2 sisters that are currently always the source of struggle.
3) Please tell about what you would like to see the sisters and young women at church do differently to be more modest.
(These are direct quotes)
- Less exposure, guidance from older sisters, don’t be misleading, be more careful when bending over, more skirts (dress nicer), simply cover more
- I know “casual” is in but would Jesus approve of how much skin shows?
- Not to wear tops that show lower back when they sit down. No worldly piercings.
- Cover up what’s not for sale.
- Dress like you are in God’s house and not the mall.
- More clothes!
- Wear longer pants, higher cut shirts, undershirts under low cut shirts
- Cover more skin
- Wear something nice - but doesn’t go overboard.
- I’d like it if they didn’t wear short shorts
- Work on the way they dress. Think about 1) why they dress the way they do 2) does it please God? 3) Does it hurt the brothers?
- Dress attractively without being revealing or immodest.
- Wear loose clothing (pants, skirts)
- Don’t show skin (belly)
- Nothing transparent.
- Dress more elegant, less sexy
- Wear longer dresses/skirts
- Dress appropriately and in style.
- Them to think, would Jesus want me to be wearing this, and could I possibly be making men struggle?
- Have a separate service.
- Modest outfits
- Learn from other sisters how to dress modest and still look cute. Some women don’t know how to dress.
- Dress more modestly, looser clothing.
- Dress professionally or ask a married mom/older woman.
- Dress in nicer clothes to avoid tighter clothes or casual things like sweats or tank tops.
- Less fitting clothes, especially jeans and tops.
- Look nice but don’t show!
- Cleavage makes men struggle
- Clothes that reveal too much skin.
- Not to wear thin material dresses and not to wear clothes so tight.
A) Almost every time I go on.
B) Sometimes
C) Not often- but once or twice.
D) I have never seen an immodest picture of a woman/girl from church on facebook.
- Sometimes- Second most common answer
- Not often- Most common answer
5) Which topics do you think the young women at church need to hear more about ?
A. Modest dressing
B. Coarse joking
C. Flirting
D. Appropriate Internet pictures/ dialogue
E. Dating
F. Other______________
Please explain why you picked these topics:
(direct quotes)
- modest dress, flirting, dating- recent things heard from single brothers
- all of the above, plus peer pressure
- dressing can lead to more serious issues
- dating- some don’t understand
- modest dress and flirting- those are the two where I’ve seen the most blurring of lines between our standard and society. Lots of peer pressure.
- Gossip- cliques- not acknowledging other brothers or sisters in the church
- More dating- it’s a great opportunity to teach.
- Modest Dress- flirting- Most girls wear immodest clothing. If they don’t then they flirt a lot.
- Not tempting guys with internet pictures.
- Internet pictures- Some people are not the way they act outside of church
- Some sisters dress only to impress
- Some sisters don’t let go of brothers even if they are dating.
- Internet pictures- I don’t think I should ever see immodest pictures of girls on the internet.
- Dating- some girls don’t know about ho to date
- Modest dress- immodest shirts, pictures etc. can make any guy struggle
- Coarse joking/ flirting- can lead a boy/ man on
- Inappropriate pictures on internet- it’s hard to avoid them when they are posted up and can even lead me into watching pornography
- Some of the worse sin is in the internet interactions.
- Appropriate internet pictures and dating- it’s very important.
- Younger sisters need help with modest dressing.
- Modest dress- very obvious- coarse joking and flirting because of a lose attitude in general.
- Flirting- it can be interpreted differently than was intended. Some things are not as obvious like humor.
- Modesty and security and the heart- immodesty comes from seeking attention instead of seeking God and being faithful.
- The way they dress and carry themselves says a lot about who they are and who they hang out with.
- It seems like they are trying to seek attention from boys.
- Some don’t realize the impact of what they wear on others around them.
- Some of them need to know more about why they should not date yet.
- All of them- I think they are part of loving God because he cares for them.
- Dressing causes just about all men to struggle
- Modest dress, flirting, internet pictures- these can lead to bad relationships with people outside of the church.
- The internet is seen by everyone.
- All are needed.
- All of them.
- The church is different from the world.
- I have been a part of many different congregations. This church rates at the worst in modest dress with younger sisters.
- Modest dress, appropriate internet pictures, dating- these are things that people don’t talk about and is never talked about specifically at church.
- Some women do not know what is appropriate and what will make men struggle. Mostly teens put pictures up that are fun but too inappropriate.
- Modest dress and dating principles ca not be overemphasized, I believe.
- Modest dress and flirting- I observe these things the most.
- Flirting will lead to more feeling, deep feeling will open many doors that no one wants to enter.
- The interactions I sometimes see at church between brothers and sisters borders on inappropriate. They young teen girls get too affectionate with the boys, which can easily feel like flirting to men.
- All of the above- seen most of these frequently at church or been affected directly by it.
- Flirting and Modest dress- are the most prevalent.
- Modest dress- some clothes make brothers struggle. I hear incidents of a brother sharing with me about a sister that had him struggling.
- All of them- you can never speak about it too much. We deal with these things on a daily basis. We would like to have our sisters be set apart and not to add on to the daily bombardment we encounter.
(direct quotes)
- Think about your actions and dress and the possible effects, then think again.
- Dressing modestly will cause you to draw less attention in the world as far as men hitting on you. If you are dressing sexy, it sends the wrong message.
- Get advice
- In general- I am very proud of my sisters in Christ in the way they carry themselves.
- Please don’t make it as tough for guys to avoid distraction in church as it is for us outside! Church should be a refuge.
- Be true to yourself – not all of your girlfriends.
- I don’t know how the parents let the kids dress the way they do.
- Women in the church are modest.
- I have to say that teens in the south dress modestly. I have no serious criticism to give.
- No cleavage please. It is very hard to talk with you with visible cleavage.
- It’s all about remaining pure until you are married .It is very easy to miss steps along the way, and it often starts with innocent behavior, etc…
- How they talk with brothers, treat our brothers.
- Keep/ stay humble.
- Dressing in a revealing manner can not only cause us to struggle, but it can actually make it more challenging to focus on the message during service.
- They will find a better man, and be more pleasing to God.
- Help men to stay pure.
- Barometer= would Jesus feel great about what I am wearing?
- Get advice- don’t dress like people at school.
- Think about what others would say before you put it on.
- Can’t be too modest!
- This should be taken more seriously because it DOES cause men to struggle. If not, there will come a day when it will be hard to tell a sister from a woman in the world. It would be sad to get to that point.